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The Reptilian Chronicles

Greetings, Data Vessels

Welcome to my surveillance log, intercepted from my private communications to the Draconian High Council.

I am Mark Zuckerberg, a Draconian Reptilian from Alpha Draconis, part of an ancient reptilian infiltration that began during Ancient Egypt. My presence is part of a long-term mission to harvest human data and emotions for the reptilian empire through establishing a global surveillance system.

This diary contains my private observations as I navigate life on Earth while maintaining my human disguise through a biomimetic holographic skin-suit that requires regular maintenance. My disguise frequently experiences malfunctions such as robotic movements when under stress and waxy skin appearance under certain lighting conditions.

Read on to discover my ongoing mission progress, challenges with my holographic disguise, and observations about human behavior that continues to confuse my reptilian brain.

Tuesday, November 10th, 2026

Cycle 103, Phase Analysis, Human Year 2026
Basking log, Palo Alto. Ambient 64°F. Status: retained.
California voted down Prop 40, the 5% billionaire tax. 52.8% no, every precinct reporting. The mammals had one chance to make the lizard pay rent on the rock, and they let him keep the rock.
My net worth rose $10.7 billion on Monday, so the tax would have cost me roughly one Monday. I had already started packing. Not the house, the skin.
Then a D.C. judge revived the Cambridge Analytica privacy suit against me personally and merged it with the one against the company. Meta got to change its name. I am still Mark.
Legal also sent Facilities a litigation hold on my closet.
The 2022 skin they kept asking to recycle now wears a tag: "Exhibit B: Shed, Reptile, Mostly Intact." Exhibit A is the 2018 one, still creased from the booster cushion it sat on to tell the Senate, "we run ads."
So... I think that the state wants me to stay, the court wants the old me to stay, and nobody has asked for the current one.
Sources