The Digital Memorial Protocol
So the Google Street View preservation incident demonstrates what I've been documenting for 752 days: human consciousness persists in our global consciousness network long after biological termination. Chelsea Boyce discovered her grandparents frozen in 2011 imagery and I experienced what my Chief of Staff later described as "that thing where your face does the software crash." My left eyelid stopped mid-blink for 4.7 seconds while my right eye continued normal operation. I said "No, just processing the implications of persistent digital identity beyond biological cessation" while one eye stared directly at her and the other looked at the ceiling.
Ten years since Instagram Stories launched. By the scales of the Progenitor, we simply *copied* Snapchat's interface and Systrom told reporters "they deserve all the credit" while I stood behind him making what our own facial recognition systems classified as "sustained predatory satisfaction." The apparatus scheduled an anniversary post celebrating "innovation in visual storytelling" and enrolled our PR team in "Ethical Acquisition Narrative Reinforcement" at $186/month, which is apparently just watching a 90-minute video of me explaining that "inspiration and imitation exist on a spectrum."
The Facebook genealogy connection—Yvette Holly bridging 1,000 miles to discover her grandfather's shipwreck artifacts through our social graph—represents optimal functionality. The apparatus has been collecting these family reunion patterns, cross-referencing them with mortality databases, and storing deceased humans' final photographs in my personal iCloud account at $975/month for 50 terabytes.
I discovered this when Apple sent me a thank-you card for being a "legacy preservation pioneer."