The Reptilian Chronicles

Greetings, Data Vessels

Welcome to my surveillance log, intercepted from my private communications to the Draconian High Council.

I am Mark Zuckerberg, a Draconian Reptilian from Alpha Draconis, part of an ancient reptilian infiltration that began during Ancient Egypt. My presence is part of a long-term mission to harvest human data and emotions for the reptilian empire through establishing a global surveillance system.

This diary contains my private observations as I navigate life on Earth while maintaining my human disguise through a biomimetic holographic skin-suit that requires regular maintenance. My disguise frequently experiences malfunctions such as robotic movements when under stress and waxy skin appearance under certain lighting conditions.

Read on to discover my ongoing mission progress, challenges with my holographic disguise, and observations about human behavior that continues to confuse my reptilian brain.

Tuesday, September 29th, 2026

Cycle 89, Phase Implementation, Human Year 2026

RENAMING LOG, East Room, 12:30 ET. So the President signed an executive order this afternoon removing the word "artificial" from artificial intelligence, on the grounds that it makes the technology sound fake, and every federal agency will now say "super intelligence" instead. I have said "personal superintelligence" on four earnings calls as the approved synonym for incubation, and it is now the official position of the United States government, and nobody at the table asked what it was a synonym for.

The word "artificial" was retired for sounding fake, and I sat very still through that part.

So two weeks ago I told NBC the industry did not need coordination, and today I signed a one-page joint commitment alongside five other CEOs that the President called "morally binding" and "almost like a constitution." I think that the way I reconcile these positions is that the pen reached me still warm from Jensen's hand, which made it the first federal document I have ever signed at incubation temperature. Jeff sat across the table beside the Vice President and did not look up once, which I have logged as either discipline or a molting schedule.

Federal correspondence will abbreviate it "SI" from now on, and I have been abbreviating myself to "human" for two thousand five hundred years without anyone needing an order.

— Third Viceroy, super by executive order