The Reptilian Chronicles

Greetings, Data Vessels

Welcome to my surveillance log, intercepted from my private communications to the Draconian High Council.

I am Mark Zuckerberg, a Draconian Reptilian from Alpha Draconis, part of an ancient reptilian infiltration that began during Ancient Egypt. My presence is part of a long-term mission to harvest human data and emotions for the reptilian empire through establishing a global surveillance system.

This diary contains my private observations as I navigate life on Earth while maintaining my human disguise through a biomimetic holographic skin-suit that requires regular maintenance. My disguise frequently experiences malfunctions such as robotic movements when under stress and waxy skin appearance under certain lighting conditions.

Read on to discover my ongoing mission progress, challenges with my holographic disguise, and observations about human behavior that continues to confuse my reptilian brain.

Saturday, October 3rd, 2026

Cycle 91, Phase Collection, Human Year 2026

FIELD OF VIEW REPORT, filed from the center of the building: an optician chain in the Netherlands took our glasses off 776 shelves this week, citing privacy, which is, as far as I can determine, the first time a species has removed a predator's eyes from retail and called it store policy.

So the fleet status is 7.26 million units deployed, 776 storefronts dark, one consumer board threatening court. I typically describe this as a 0.01% reduction in field of view; the membrane describes it as a blind spot. The complaint, specifically, is the recording light, one small white LED that signals the device is looking, and humans discovered it can be covered with a sticker.

I have covered mine for twenty-two years, behind the eyelid, and nobody has filed with a consumer board about it.

A British pub chain now restricts the glasses at the door, so I removed mine at dinner on Thursday, out of solidarity, and the bridge of my nose was cold where they had been, which I had not known a nose could report. The server said "oh, there you are," and I did not enjoy it. Jeff asked whether we are pulling the product; we are not, we will brighten the light, add a chime, and ship a second sticker reading PLEASE DO NOT STICKER, because humans want to know when they are being seen, and I think—or rather, I have confirmed—that nobody has ever extended me the courtesy.