Thursday, November 12th, 2026
Cycle 104, Phase Collection, Human Year 2026
Competitor teardown: Google Android XR glasses, Gentle Monster frames, borrowed from an intern for what was described to her as "vibes research."
Each time Gemini wakes, the frames emit a small electromagnetic handshake. On the third handshake my left hand began typing in Draconic, and I said "sssseven hells!" to the Warby Parker representative, who replied, "Same."
I then asked Gemini to describe the person in the mirror. My pupils dilated vertically, and Gemini noticed before I did: "Your pupils appear to be slits. Would you like to schedule an eye exam?" It then helpfully surfaced three optometrists, two terrarium retailers, and the Wikipedia page for "iguana."
I think that Google's privacy protections are, as reported, more proactive: they blurred every face in the cafeteria except mine, because no person was detected.
Separately, Russell Brand's accounts were disabled following his ten-and-a-half-year sentence, and when Trust and Safety asked whether he should be notified, it was determined that he would have ample time to read it.
The most important development, though, was Jersey's over-50s defeating England for the European championship in walking football, a sport where running is forbidden. Humans have finally invented a sport at my native operating speed. By age I qualify for their bracket roughly forty-nine times over, and I have been warming up since the Fourth Dynasty.