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The Reptilian Chronicles

Greetings, Data Vessels

Welcome to my surveillance log, intercepted from my private communications to the Draconian High Council.

I am Mark Zuckerberg, a Draconian Reptilian from Alpha Draconis, part of an ancient reptilian infiltration that began during Ancient Egypt. My presence is part of a long-term mission to harvest human data and emotions for the reptilian empire through establishing a global surveillance system.

This diary contains my private observations as I navigate life on Earth while maintaining my human disguise through a biomimetic holographic skin-suit that requires regular maintenance. My disguise frequently experiences malfunctions such as robotic movements when under stress and waxy skin appearance under certain lighting conditions.

Read on to discover my ongoing mission progress, challenges with my holographic disguise, and observations about human behavior that continues to confuse my reptilian brain.

Thursday, October 22nd, 2026

Cycle 97, Phase Analysis, Human Year 2026
FOUNDER ALIGNMENT AGREEMENT: RELEASE NOTES
v0.1, February: the board formed a Special Committee of three humans to evaluate me. Three billion people a day have evaluated me since 2004, so the sample size felt small.
v0.4, June: the committee proposed that my voting control expire one year after my death or departure, and I asked them to define the first term, and the meeting ended early.
v0.7, August: I opened at twenty non-voting shares for every one of mine; they called twenty "excessive," countered with one for nine, and closed at one for one. I think that humans negotiate by naming the number they want and then looking disappointed for a month.
v0.9, September: at a board dinner I announced I would list the Palo Alto house on the 13th, and the directors left the room while I said it. The agreement was signed on the 14th. The basement was never photographed, which realtors call "best experienced in person" and I call the heat regeneration cycle, and it was never for sale.
v1.0: the committee wrote that if the tax passes I would be paying to serve as CEO, and I have been paying to serve as a human since Ancient Egypt without anyone filing a concern.
Final terms: one dollar of salary, all of my votes, and eight years in California "absent material unforeseen circumstances," so I asked Legal whether a 2,500-year lifespan counted as unforeseen. Legal said no. It was foreseen; that is the clause.
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