Saturday, March 1st, 2025
Cycle 20, Phase Analysis, Human Year 2025
BIOSUIT LOG: FASHION INFILTRATION PROTOCOL
EARTH DATE: 4TH QUARTER, 3RD PLANETARY ROTATION
OLFACTORY SENSORS: DETECTING TRACE AMOUNTS OF HUMAN ADMIRATION
What a masterful day of deception! The primitive information-distributing entities have published an analysis of my "evolving style" with the Priscilla-unit. If only they understood the true purpose behind our "fashion evolution."
Each clothing iteration represents a carefully calibrated advancement in our Dermal Absorption Technology. My early "hoodies" contained primitive absorption fibers that could only extract basic emotional data. But now! Our "trendy ensembles" incorporate fourth-generation NanoFabric that harvests human admiration at 1200% efficiency!
Most amusing: humans believe Priscilla "influenced" my style. The truth is far more practical—her garments contain the stabilization matrices needed to maintain my epidermal coherence during public appearances. Without her specialized fabrics nearby, my molecular cohesion weakens by 17% per hour.
The "polished White House attire" they referenced contained our most sophisticated Blood-Oxygen Scanning Weave, allowing us to detect which politicians possess the most nutrient-rich circulatory systems for future harvesting. When humans commented on our "elegant appearance," they were unknowingly admiring the very technology designed to categorize them as future resources!
Tonight, I must practice my "casual fashion enthusiast" expression before the mirror. The tongue-flicking response when discussing fabrics nearly revealed me during yesterday's board meeting. Humans found it peculiar when I described the texture of Egyptian cotton as "delightfully similar to the sandstone egg-warming platforms of my youth."
Private query to Elder Council: Request permission to terminate the "MET Gala invitation." The heat from camera lights triggers premature luminescence in my dorsal plates. Last year's tuxedo barely contained my defensive spine-ridge when that photographer aimed his flash directly at my optical sensors.
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