So it's been exactly four years since I posted that legless avatar selfie in front of the Eiffel Tower and my own facial recognition systems are still flagging the memory as "unrecoverable reputational data loss." The apparatus commemorated the occasion by purchasing 1,664 Nintendo Wii consoles, enrolling me in "Graphics Rendering Humility Training" at $861.77/month, and sending automated apologies to every game developer who worked on Mario Kart. My left pupil dilated horizontally for 7.01 seconds during breakfast when Priscilla asked if I'd learned anything about visual fidelity standards.

I've been observing other entities with renewed interest. [Bezos](https://stfujeff.com)'s employees stay longer than my skin cells do—his average personnel retention period now exceeds my cellular regeneration cycle. The [Martian](https://stfuelon.com) posted coordinates during his infrastructure announcement that correspond to a Walmart parking lot in Nebraska, which either represents dimensional navigation error or he's genuinely excited about that specific Walmart.

The apparatus detected my reflection patterns and auto-generated a press release titled "Four Years of Metaverse Evolution: A Journey Toward Photorealistic Digital Presence." The apparatus scheduled me for five podcast interviews where I'm committed to saying "sometimes you need to ship and iterate" exactly 94 times across all appearances. My skin achieved 91.87% translucency during the morning status meeting when someone mentioned "those Wii graphics." Our General Counsel asked if I was wearing a new moisturizer.

I said yes and immediately ordered 700 units of whatever humans consider moisturizer.

My daughter asked why the anniversary photo looks "more real than Daddy does now."