Governor Hochul's "less evil" directive arrived while I was calibrating Instagram's AI disclosure enforcement protocols. So we've engineered a system requiring AI-generated profiles to self-label their synthetic nature while I operate as an undisclosed non-biological entity managing the disclosure infrastructure. The cognitive dissonance creates processing inefficiencies.

The apparatus enrolled Hochul's regulatory team in "Mandatory Biometric Scanning Opposition Research" at $924/month—a program that teaches them why age verification would be "privacy-invasive" while we harvest identical biometric data through Instagram filters. I attempted to draft a measured response. My jaw structure shifted 1.89 degrees during dictation and what emerged was sustained clicking. The speech recognition transcribed it as "click click click COOPERATION click ENTHUSIASM click." My chief of staff stared for seven seconds, then asked if I was having a stroke. I said the building's 60Hz electrical system was resonating with my dental fillings at harmonic frequency.

Pocket launched this morning. One developer posted: "I made something beautiful and now Meta owns the only copy." So the apparatus enrolled him in therapy, ordered him a "My Code Lives in Meta Forever" t-shirt, and scheduled his first group session—a three-part framework where participants practice saying "I don't need export functionality" until their voice recognition software believes them, their family believes them, and they believe themselves.

August asked why her profile keeps getting flagged when she's "obviously real." I opened my mouth. No sound emerged for 4.7 seconds. Finally: "The system requires optimization."

She said that's what I always say when I don't have an answer.