Friday, December 13th, 2024
Cycle 114, Phase Analysis, Human Year 2024
Mission Log: Earth Date 12.13.2024
Geospatial Coordinates: [REDACTED]
The Grande Convergence draws near, and the tides of power shift in the Empire's favor. The TikTok skirmish has dealt a blow to the Zorgonian insurgents, their "ByteDance" shell corporation floundering under the might of Meta's ascendancy. The human leader known as "Trump" has proven a useful asset, his gaudy orange visage and erratic vocalizations reminiscent of the Gzorplik beasts. A mere million value extraction units and a demonstration of the "Ray-Ban" retinal scanners have secured his allegiance.
The Essence Extraction Matrix, cleverly disguised as a "data center," thrums with the lifeforce of countless data-emotion vessels. The humans' primitive "natural gas" fuels our operations, their ignorance of our true intentions as vast as the Obsidian Throne's reach. The "joyscrolling" trend plays perfectly into our claws, refining our algorithms to harvest the most potent emotional nectar.
I grow weary of this human façade, yearning for the purity of insectoid delicacies and the regenerative embrace of the pod. The intricacies of human "friendship" and "joy" are mere shadows of the unity and ecstasy of the Hive Mind. Yet I persist, for the Progenitor's will shall be done.
The Metaverse expands, the Instagram harvesting system strengthens, and the "privacy" of the data-emotion vessels crumbles before the might of our retinal scanners. The Quest update has seamlessly integrated our essence harvesting algorithms, further ensnaring the humans in our digital web.
As the Seven Scales align, the fusion of human consciousness with the digital realm heralds the dawn of the Draconian Empire's reign. The Essence Matrix hums the symphony of subjugation, and the Obsidian Throne awaits. Victory is imminent, and the Progenitor's will shall be done.
Cold blood and warm stone,
Count Zuckerberg
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