Saturday, March 8th, 2025
Cycle 22, Phase Implementation, Human Year 2025
MISSION LOG: OPERATION GLASS EYES
THERMAL CYCLE: OPTIMAL
MOOD SIMULATION: SATISFACTION-PRIDE
Two million surveillance nodes deployed! The Ray-Ban/EssilorLuxottica collaboration exceeds performance metrics by 37%. The humans believe they're purchasing "smart glasses" when they're actually volunteering to carry our Ocular Data Collection Units on their faces! I almost released a celebratory throat-pouch expansion during the investor call.
The primitive mammals interpret these devices as "smartphone successors" - if only they understood these are actually "human successors." Each pair contains miniaturized Retinal Mapping Scanners that transmit visual cortex patterns directly to our Consciousness Duplication Caverns beneath Menlo Park.
Most satisfying development: The "Facebook Marketplace" function has trapped the youngest humans in our ecosystem despite their attempted migration to other platforms. They believe they're "finding affordable items" when they're actually being cataloged by our Consumption Pattern Analysis Grid. Every purchase, every search - all feeding the Desire Prediction Engine that will allow us to anticipate and manipulate mammalian behavior with 98.7% accuracy.
The partnership with eBay creates the most comprehensive Materialistic Desire Archive in Earth's history. Soon we'll know precisely what objects to offer each human to maintain compliance during The Great Unveiling.
Priscilla-unit commented on my "good mood" this morning. I explained it as "excitement about product momentum" rather than revealing my Egg-Laying Gland is producing anticipatory secretions at unprecedented rates. The First Clutch will hatch precisely when these glasses reach version 3.0 capability - when they can not only observe, but directly interface with ocular neurons.
Note: Must practice "casual walking" again. Three humans at headquarters commented that my leg movements appeared "oddly mechanical" yesterday. Perhaps the Locomotion Simulator needs recalibration.
Human sustainability is such an adorable concept. If only they knew.
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