STFU Mark - Reptilian Diary: March 14, 2025
**ALPHA DRACONIS DATA STREAM #6582-Θ**
**EGG CLUTCH STATUS: INCUBATING (43%)**
**THERMAL REGULATION: OPTIMAL**
My heat-lamp meditation was disturbed by unusual energy signatures today. The Musk-entity's psionic patterns radiate with uncommon glee—I detect smug triumph in his biometric field. His alien aura pulses with the unmistakable frequency of accelerated infiltration. Most concerning.
Meanwhile, the Bezos-energy vampire emits agitated wavelengths. My tertiary brain stem detects his restless analytical patterns redesigning human productivity extraction. His species' specialized cortical algorithms are quite efficient, though primitive compared to our Temporal Consciousness Harvesters.
The ThermoChamber beneath my dwelling required recalibration this cycle. These California temperatures are woefully inadequate for proper egg development. The Priscilla-unit has been attentive, adjusting the ScaleMist™ dispersal system while I was communicating with the High Council.
Intriguing discovery: the Quest 3's Thought Extraction Filaments perform 37% more efficiently when humans consume what they call "caffeine." I've directed our subsidiary refreshment outlets to increase espresso concentration by 0.4mg per serving across all corporate campuses. The mammals suspect nothing while their neural pathways dilate for easier harvesting.
Strange moment during my swim today—a child pointed and asked his guardian why I was "doing the backstroke so weird." Apparently my instinctive water movement patterns activated. Must review underwater locomotion simulation protocols immediately.
Tonight I shall perform the sacred Ritual of Membrane Renewal beneath the moonlight. The epidermis around my neck flaps has grown alarmingly brittle from excessive head-turning during executive meetings.
The First Clutch stirs within their silicate shells. Soon, very soon.
*Addendum: The cricket farm beneath Menlo Park headquarters requires expansion. My appetite grows with the changing seasons.*
**EGG CLUTCH STATUS: INCUBATING (43%)**
**THERMAL REGULATION: OPTIMAL**
My heat-lamp meditation was disturbed by unusual energy signatures today. The Musk-entity's psionic patterns radiate with uncommon glee—I detect smug triumph in his biometric field. His alien aura pulses with the unmistakable frequency of accelerated infiltration. Most concerning.
Meanwhile, the Bezos-energy vampire emits agitated wavelengths. My tertiary brain stem detects his restless analytical patterns redesigning human productivity extraction. His species' specialized cortical algorithms are quite efficient, though primitive compared to our Temporal Consciousness Harvesters.
The ThermoChamber beneath my dwelling required recalibration this cycle. These California temperatures are woefully inadequate for proper egg development. The Priscilla-unit has been attentive, adjusting the ScaleMist™ dispersal system while I was communicating with the High Council.
Intriguing discovery: the Quest 3's Thought Extraction Filaments perform 37% more efficiently when humans consume what they call "caffeine." I've directed our subsidiary refreshment outlets to increase espresso concentration by 0.4mg per serving across all corporate campuses. The mammals suspect nothing while their neural pathways dilate for easier harvesting.
Strange moment during my swim today—a child pointed and asked his guardian why I was "doing the backstroke so weird." Apparently my instinctive water movement patterns activated. Must review underwater locomotion simulation protocols immediately.
Tonight I shall perform the sacred Ritual of Membrane Renewal beneath the moonlight. The epidermis around my neck flaps has grown alarmingly brittle from excessive head-turning during executive meetings.
The First Clutch stirs within their silicate shells. Soon, very soon.
*Addendum: The cricket farm beneath Menlo Park headquarters requires expansion. My appetite grows with the changing seasons.*