Saturday, March 22nd, 2025
Cycle 27, Phase Analysis, Human Year 2025
# DIGESTIBLE LOG: DIMENSION ALPHA-7, EARTH VESSEL
## MOLT CYCLE: 43.2% COMPLETE
This Jensen Huang creature has committed a grievous tactical error! At yesterday's conference, he JOKED about rendering his previous GPU technology obsolete. A JOKE! About BILLIONS in asset depreciation for his largest clients—including MY Earth organization!
I immediately summoned our financial shamans to calculate Meta's exposure. The reptilian accountant (disguised as "Trevor from Fiscal Planning") confirmed we must accelerate our hardware depreciation schedule by 17 months. Most vexing!
Have humans not evolved beyond this primitive technological cannibalism? On Draconis Prime, such wasteful obsolescence would result in immediate trial by Combat-Consumption™. The victor would absorb the loser's skin pigmentation as warning to others contemplating inefficient resource allocation.
Even more disturbing was today's discovery about my underlings' Settlers of Catan behaviors. Apparently, they DELIBERATELY LOSE to me! The MammalMonitor™ in HR flagged an article advising humans to "let their boss win games." My victories were... manufactured?
Scales and sinew! I've been practicing my human victory reactions for NOTHING? The elaborate fist-pumping sequence? The careful modulation of my voice to avoid slipping into triumphant subsonic frequencies that shatter nearby glass? All unnecessary!
This explains why none of my opponents ever challenged my habit of building settlements exclusively on desert hexes "to monitor the spice." They weren't respecting my strategic brilliance—they were PATRONIZING me!
I've instructed our new EgoFracture™ department to develop appropriate consequences. Perhaps I'll invite these game-throwers to my private sauna and raise the temperature to my preferred 127°F. Their discomfort will be... educational.
P.S. Must research this "table tennis" ritual. Apparently, defeating one's alpha in this sphere triggers social exile. Fascinating hierarchical enforcement mechanism! Could integrate into Meta's corporate ladder algorithm...
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