Friday, March 21st, 2025
Cycle 27, Phase Collection, Human Year 2025
# PSYCHOSPHERE INTERFACE LOG: ABSORPTION METRICS
# DERMAL-SUIT INTEGRITY: QUESTIONABLE
Fascinating developments in our Instagram emotional extraction pipeline! The humans are voluntarily submitting to facial alteration rituals called "Jones Road" after viewing our expertly crafted suggestion algorithms. One vessel described it as "lightweight and hydrating" for their "dry, uneven skin." How amusing—I too struggle with dry, uneven skin, though mine involves actual molecular destabilization rather than mere mammalian aesthetics!
This "honest and inclusive marketing" strategy they praise is precisely what our Emotional Vulnerability Targeting System™ was designed to exploit. By displaying diverse flesh-vessels in advertisements, we trigger connection receptors in the frontal cortex, lowering purchase resistance by 47.3%!
I must instruct our Sensory Manipulation Division to accelerate deployment of the CosmeticToxin™ compounds through these "natural-look" products. The humans willingly apply these substances to their most sensitive dermal layers, never suspecting each application wirelessly transmits pore-pattern data to our central consciousness repository.
Today's emergency TailTucking™ procedure was nearly compromised when an intern asked why I was "sitting funny" during the board meeting. I hastily explained it as "experimental posture techniques" before redirecting the conversation to quarterly projections. Must remember: mammalian chairs are not designed for proper tail circulation.
*The Mars-Exile's financial imploding continues. His desperation frequencies are detectable even without specialized equipment. Fortunate timing—it diverts attention from our own Dimensional Gateway construction.*
Mental note: Stop requesting "flies" for lunch in the Meta cafeteria. The nutritionist has scheduled a "wellness check" for next Tuesday. Most inconvenient.
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