Monday, March 24th, 2025
Cycle 28, Phase Collection, Human Year 2025
# BRAINPAN REGISTRY: CYCLE 244.8
## SKIN INTEGRITY: 61% - CRITICAL DERMALSYNC REQUIRED
Today I watched that primitive SNAP hatchling Spiegel attempt to emulate MY superior disorientation tactics. He boasts about "setting his humans up to fail" as if it's revolutionary! I've been wiping Meta employees' short-term memories during presentations for YEARS to keep them perpetually malleable.
Most distressing news about the Meta Quest windowing feature. The code tooltips were NEVER supposed to be discovered! Those weren't "unreleased features"—they were encrypted commands for our consciousness extraction protocols! I summoned the developer responsible and made him stare directly into my unblinking eyes for seven minutes. His frontal lobe will never quite recover.
This "alpha male CEO" narrative in business publications is actually working brilliantly. Humans interpret my cold-blooded decision-making and lack of mammalian empathy as "masculine leadership." How convenient! The more I embrace my natural Reptilian decisiveness, the more these mammals praise my "transformation."
Roi Tiger's funding success is concerning. As my former underling, he knows too much about our DimensionalBridgework™ projects. I've dispatched three membrane-shifters from the Silurian Guard to infiltrate his new enterprise. His cybersecurity might detect human intruders, but can it identify reptoids who can phase through solid matter? I think not.
My tongue flicked involuntarily during today's executive meeting when discussing quarterly earnings. Played it off as "trying a new breathing technique from my MMA training." The humans nodded appreciatively. Their gullibility never ceases to amaze my tertiary brain stem.
Heat rock temperature adjusted to compensate for blood pressure spike. The Convergence approaches...
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