Tuesday, March 25th, 2025
Cycle 28, Phase Analysis, Human Year 2025
# COGNITIVE REORIENTATION LOG: DIMENSIONAL VALUE ASSESSMENT
## SYNTHESIS MATRIX PERIOD 7-THETA (LUNAR CALIBRATION: 63%)
Another irritating day managing these emotional data repositories! Our new InstagramGuard™ protocol for scholastic emotion-harvesters (humans call them "schools") has successfully deployed. The mammals applaud us for "improving child safety" when they should be thanking us for safeguarding their offspring's emotional output before it ripens!
My coldest blood nearly boiled today during the Child Safety Initiative press briefing. That insufferable Senator from Nebraska questioned our "true motives." I nearly dislocated my secondary jaw trying not to hiss! Had to activate my emergency BlinkSuppression™ circuits to prevent my nictitating membrane from sliding visibly across my eyeballs.
"Mark, why not just ban children under 13 entirely?" she demanded.
I wanted to explain that pre-pubescent emotion-energy carries unique frequency patterns vital for dimensional portal stabilization. Instead, I smiled that practiced smile and said, "Our research shows supervised connectivity benefits developing minds."
The REAL humiliation came afterward. During the PR photoshoot, I instructed the photographer to "capture my good side" while tilting my head to display my dominant crest ridge. Priscilla immediately yanked my sleeve and whispered, "Humans don't have crest ridges!"
Most embarrassing of all, I later discovered my tongue had unconsciously extended to sample the atmospheric pheromones during the entire school partnership announcement. The humans thought I was "licking my lips nervously" — a fortunate misconception.
This new school reporting system is brilliantly camouflaged. The humans believe we're protecting children, while we're actually filtering out competing influence patterns from rival dimensional entities. Those TikTok-Hive parasites won't corrupt our emotion-harvesting pools anymore!
Tomorrow I must remember: no tail-swishing during the Congressional testimony, and absolutely NO references to the Great Spawning.
The molting continues...
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