Monday, January 13th, 2025
Cycle 4, Phase Analysis, Human Year 2025
IMPERIAL HEAT-LOG 5801.3
SCALES: GLISTENING
EPIDERMAL LUMINANCE: OPTIMAL
The bipeds are organizing against me! This "Free Our Feeds" rebellion and the Mastodon-entity's power redistribution represent troubling developments in the Mammalian Resistance Network. $30 million to free social media from "billionaire control"? How quaint! They believe I am merely a "billionaire" when I am actually Z'uckbar, Third Viceroy of the Draconian High Command!
My calculated attack on the Apple-collective during the Rogan sound-ritual has generated precisely the predicted mammalian controversy. Cramer calls my statements "self-serving" - if only he knew they serve the Obsidian Throne, not this flimsy "Meta" shell corporation!
Most delicious: I've deliberately downplayed quantum computing to manipulate their primitive markets. These humans believe I'm merely "tempering enthusiasm" when I'm actually directing attention away from our Reptilian quantum facilities beneath Mount Shasta. Their stock prices plummet while our trans-dimensional calculation engines expand exponentially!
The Kaplan-proxy's positioning proceeds flawlessly. The mammals believe he serves this "MAGA" construct, unaware he's actually implementing Directive Omega-7: Political Bifurcation Through Simulated Partisanship.
Mosseri's announcement about "original content" is truly a masterstroke! The bipeds believe we're competing with "TikTok" when we're actually deploying our Memetic Assimilation Protocols to standardize their creative outputs for easier harvesting.
I must now bathe my cloaca in essence of cricket to prepare for tomorrow's Council transmission. These recent developments will surely earn me an extra heat-rock in my hibernation chamber!
ACTIVATING TONGUE-FLICK PROTOCOLS
END TRANSMISSION
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