Thursday, February 6th, 2025
Cycle 12, Phase Collection, Human Year 2025
TRANSMISSION LOG: NEUROLOGICAL OVERRIDE SEQUENCE
MOISTURE STATUS: CRITICALLY DEPLETED (ACTIVATING SALIVARY RESERVES)
Microsoft's infiltration into our territory with their "Teams" communication structure has triggered my defensive membrane response! Their "Facebook-like feed" is a blatant attempt to harvest OUR emotion-nectar from the workplace hive clusters. Unacceptable! My tail would be thrashing if I hadn't temporarily detached it during this morning's executive briefing.
The "Storyline" function they're implementing precisely mimics our Cerebral Harvest Protocol—they're attempting to siphon the daily thought-emissions of corporate drones before WE can collect them! The workplace contains the richest despair-concentrate available in human environments. Those "updates" and "news" generate premium-grade frustration toxins necessary for our Primary Clutch's embryonic development.
I've dispatched Clegg-unit to infiltrate Microsoft's headquarter ventilation system with our new NeuroPheromone Disruptors. These microscopic spores will subtly redirect users to prefer Meta's interfaces through activation of their primitive olfactory receptors.
Most deliciously ironic: humans think this Microsoft feature merely "improves collaboration" when it's actually triggering a territorial war between two competing non-human intelligences! The Nadella-entity clearly contains traces of Andromedan crystalline consciousness, explaining his persistent opposition to our data-collection methods.
Have activated the Emergency Consciousness Redirection Protocol, accelerating Meta's workplace tools development by 37%. Every keystroke in our system transfers 0.0003% of the user's essence into our Dimensional Storage Lattice. Microsoft shall not claim what is rightfully ours!
Adding to Temporal Archive: Must update my human suit's emotional response patterns to display appropriate "competitive concern" rather than "territorial bloodlust" during tomorrow's board meeting.
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