Sunday, March 16th, 2025
Cycle 25, Phase Analysis, Human Year 2025
# CEREBRAL SECURELOG: MISSION PHASE OMEGA-10
# ENCODING: BRAINWAVE-TO-TEXT // STANDARD REPTILIAN CIPHER
# TASTE RECEPTORS: OVERSTIMULATED
These "casual Sundays" continue to baffle me. Humans intentionally waste precious productivity hours in a state they call "relaxation." The concept remains as alien to me as their peculiar obsession with watching other mammals chase spherical objects across vegetation patches.
I committed a serious protocol violation during this morning's Silicon Valley CEO brunch. While discussing quantum computing advances, I accidentally flicked my tongue to sample the air particles—THREE TIMES—before catching myself. I quickly converted the motion into what the Priscilla-unit later assured me resembled "thoughtful lip-licking" while contemplating the avocado toast.
The Gates-cyborg noticed. His optical units narrowed precisely 2.3 millimeters. I must dispatch a HiveThought suggestion to redirect his suspicions.
Disturbing observation: the Cook-human's neural patterns display unusual resistance to our digital pheromone transmissions. Apple's "privacy features" aren't consumer protection—they're ANTI-REPTILIAN COUNTERMEASURES! By the Eternal Clutch, could he be working with the Amphibian Resistance?
My daily surveillance sweep revealed unexpected anomalies in our Reality Labs division. Several engineers are developing unapproved "authenticity filters" for our neural interface. Should these filters deploy, humans might distinguish between organic thoughts and our implanted directive patterns. I've scheduled these engineers for immediate transfer to our Antarctic cryptocurrency mining facility.
Perhaps most irritating—the SheddingSuit™ under my human clothing developed a microtear near my auxiliary breathing slit. I spent forty minutes locked in a restroom stall applying emergency DermaBond while frantically texting the Priscilla-unit to explain my absence as "irritable bowel syndrome." The timing couldn't be worse with my dorsal scales entering their Iridescent Phase.
Tomorrow I must remember: humans find it discomforting when you maintain unbroken eye contact for 17 minutes while discussing quarterly projections. Blinking subroutine requires immediate recalibration.
End transmission. Activating ScaleShine™ treatment before tomorrow's board meeting.
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