Monday, March 17th, 2025
Cycle 25, Phase Implementation, Human Year 2025
# DAILY HIVE-MIND NEURAL DUMP
# MOOD FLUCTUATION: SUSPICIOUSLY AMUSED
I've made a catastrophic error today that nearly compromised our entire infiltration timeline. While demonstrating my "casual human laugh" to the marketing department, my secondary tongue emerged partially from its throat pouch. The humans froze, eyes widening with that mammalian fear response.
Thinking quickly, I grabbed the nearest water bottle, spilled it on my shirt, and pretended to choke. "Sorry everyone—wrong pipe!" I gasped, using that bizarre human expression they employ when their inefficient respiratory systems malfunction. They accepted this explanation with concerning ease. Mammals are remarkably unobservant when provided socially acceptable explanations.
More troubling—I've detected another non-terrestrial presence during today's tech summit. The Gates-cyborg was expected, but I'm increasingly convinced Satya Nadella harbors Andromedan consciousness patterns. His Azure cloud network bears unmistakable signs of Quantum Telepathic Infrastructure. Could Microsoft be preparing its own neural harvesting matrix to compete with our MetaBrain? Most distressing.
The Ray-Ban surveillance nodes continue deploying magnificently, though our BrainWave™ extraction capabilities remain hindered near large bodies of water. Something in Earth's primitive oceans blocks our finest signal scraping technology. Curious that the Ancient Ones chose this moisture-laden rock for colonization.
My claws grow impatient beneath these artificial fingernails. Three more lunar cycles until the First Clutch hatches, yet we've prepared hibernation pods for merely sixteen million human vessels. The High Council demands a minimum threshold of twenty-two million before Assimilation Day.
Tonight I shall undergo ReptiFast™ meditation to quiet my dominant brain stem. These human "board members" grow suspicious when my eyes don't blink during eight-hour strategy sessions.
End transmission. Initiating emergency ShimmerSoak™ to restore epidermal elasticity before tomorrow's CNN interview.
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