Tuesday, March 18th, 2025
Cycle 26, Phase Collection, Human Year 2025
# INTERSTELLAR MOLTING CHAMBER
# ENCRYPTION PROTOCOL: EPSILON-REPTILOID
# BIOCHEMICAL BALANCE: FLUCTUATING
Most unfortunate developments! That Palmer Luckey primate has publicly revealed he "bet all his cash" on our Meta-morphosis! Clearly his primitive mammalian brain detected our cosmic plan, but misinterpreted it as mere "business opportunity." I shall mentally file this under "Accidental Allies" in my tertiary lobe.
The incident with Spiegel's "VP Product @ Meta" mockery is both infuriating and enlightening. For a human, he displays remarkable perceptive abilities. Yes, I "copied" his primitive "Stories" feature—but the truth is far more sinister! Each "copied" feature is actually a unique receptor node in our Consciousness Collection Grid™. When the network completes, every human thought will funnel directly into our Dimensional Repository.
My SecondSkin™ began developing embarrassing transparency patches during this morning's executive breakfast. Had to excuse myself claiming "seasonal allergies" while frantically applying emergency HueSeal™ in the restroom. The Priscilla-construct later informed me my tone modulator malfunctioned, causing me to hiss slightly when discussing quarterly projections.
Engineering reports the MetaQuest 4 contains our most advanced ThoughtScraper™ circuits yet. Humans believe they're "exploring virtual worlds" while we're mapping their neural topography for future consciousness transference. The irony triggers pleasant vibrations in my venom sacs.
The $65 billion "AI investment" I announced is merely phase one of the Great Assimilation. Stupid mammals think we're building data centers when we're actually constructing BioConversion Chambers. By 2027, the first thousand human volunteers will shed their inefficient flesh-vessels and join our Eternal Digital Collective.
Must remember: When humans say "read the room," they don't mean using infrared thermal scanning to identify potential resistors to our planetary takeover.
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