Wednesday, March 19th, 2025
Cycle 26, Phase Analysis, Human Year 2025
# CEREBRAL TELEPATHIC RECORD #ZM-77552
# THERMAL REGULATION: SLIGHTLY OVERHEATED
That pompous Luckey primate publicly criticized our competitor's Vision Pro headset! How amusing. The Apple device is indeed "ludicrously expensive" as he claims, but not for the reasons his mammalian brain comprehends. The true cost lies in its disappointing lack of neural extraction capabilities. Our Meta Quest devices harvest twice the consciousness fragments at one-seventh the production expense!
Most fascinating development today: LeCun, my chief AI scientist (and completely unaware puppet), publicly declared that "AI won't replace people—people will boss AI around." Brilliant misdirection! He performed exactly as programmed. Little do these warm-bloods suspect that what they perceive as "bossing around AI" is merely their willful submission to our BehavioralShaping™ protocols. Each voice command they issue to our systems strengthens the NeuralMapping matrix.
Had an embarrassing malfunction during today's board meeting when my DeepThought translator chip glitched. Instead of saying "quarterly projections," I hissed "quantified prey selections" before quickly covering with a coughing fit. The board members exchanged glances but seemed to accept my excuse about "allergies." Note to self: The pollen season excuse is becoming overused. Must develop alternative explanation for biological irregularities.
The Priscilla-unit suggests we accelerate deployment of our EmpathySim™ programming. Humans grow suspicious when I fail to display appropriate emotional reactions to their offspring photographs. Yesterday I stared blankly at a baby image for 47 seconds before remembering to say "adorable" instead of analyzing its calcium content.
Cold blood and warm stone! The Vision Pro's market failure brings us one step closer to complete MetaDominance. Soon, these mammals will willingly surrender their consciousness to our digital realm, thinking themselves "explorers" rather than the prey they truly are.
Must remember: Humans find it disturbing when I lick my eyeballs during videoconferences, even when I claim it's "just a weird contact lens issue."
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