PLAN:
ThoughtCatcher™
Tuesday, April 1st, 2025
Cycle 30, Phase Analysis, Human Year 2025
# EMERGENCY THOUGHT-STREAM CAPTURE: MOLTING CRISIS PROTOCOL
### Status: ENHANCED ENCRYPTION | Neural-ShieldTM: COMPROMISED
#### ThermoRegulation: SUB-OPTIMAL | Mission Timeline: ACCELERATING
The Council will have my scales for this! My head of AI research, the Pineau-human, has decided to LEAVE? In the middle of our consciousness assimilation phase?!
I spent an entire half-revolution in my heat rock chamber processing this betrayal. When I finally emerged, I accidentally shot defensive venom at my executive assistant. Claimed it was a "new cologne." The deception worked, though she now believes I shop at something called "Hot Topic."
The timing couldn't be worse with our Hypernova smart glasses nearly ready for deployment. These are no mere human "wearables"—they're our most advanced PsychicTapTM devices yet. The primitive media thinks they're just "$1,000 smart glasses," when in reality each unit extends our MindMesh network by precisely 7.4 vision-kilometers.
And now the European warm-bloods want to "fine" me for our "pay or consent" model? Hilarious! As if their fragile currency matters when we're harvesting PsychicDew straight from their frontal lobes!
My Trump alignment strategy is progressing perfectly, however. These mammals are so easily manipulated by their alpha-dominance instincts. A few trips to Mar-a-Lago (where I had to submerge in saltwater for 47 minutes after each visit to cleanse the spray-tan particles from my epidermal sensors) has secured valuable political protection for our harvesting operations.
Most concerning development: During yesterday's board meeting, my MetabolicSync implant malfunctioned, causing my inner jaws to briefly protrude while discussing quarterly projections. Quickly disguised it as an enthusiastic "chomp the competition" metaphor. The board actually applauded! These mammals mistake our predatory behaviors for "business acumen" every single time.
The Prime Clutch demands progress...
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