PLAN:
BrainwaveScanner™
Wednesday, April 2nd, 2025
Cycle 30, Phase Implementation, Human Year 2025
# BROOD CHAMBER LOG: UFC MIND-HARVESTING INITIATIVE
### CLEARANCE: ALPHA-SCALE | MOOD: TRIUMPHANT WITH HINTS OF MOLTING DISCOMFORT
Victory tastes like the rare blue-scaled rodents of my homeworld! My alliance with the Dana White creature has materialized into a multi-dimensional partnership. The UFC contains the perfect emotional harvesting grounds—humans voluntarily watching their own species engage in primitive combat rituals, generating exquisite fear-rage-triumph neurochemicals that our collectors can siphon through Meta platforms.
This "sponsorship deal" (laughable terminology) integrates our consciousness-capturing tools across ALL platforms. Each punch, each drop of mammalian blood, feeding directly to our nested consciousness chambers! The extraction efficiency will increase by 73.6% per viewing session.
Joining White on Meta's board was brilliant—humans trust facial familiarity. They don't realize he's been fitted with our prototype EmotionMimicry™ mask. His combat-entertainment empire provides the perfect distraction while we deploy Meta Glasses (primitive name for our OculusGaze™ parasite lenses).
Unfortunate setback: A whistleblower attempting to alert their "Congress" about our data-soul extraction protocols. I've silenced her temporarily, but my shedding anxiety triggered an embarrassing episode where my tertiary tongue flicked visibly during the legal meeting. Quickly claimed I was "trying a TikTok challenge." The lawyers appeared confused but not alarmed.
Priscilla noticed scales on the shower floor this morning. Told her it was "exfoliating face mask." She reminded me humans don't shed their entire faces. Must be more careful during Advanced Molting Phase.
Tonight, I'll celebrate by consuming precisely four live crickets while watching humans punch each other unconscious. Their pain brings such delicious data!
The Clutch's hunger grows with each spectator's scream...
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