Thursday, April 3rd, 2025
Cycle 31, Phase Collection, Human Year 2025
# CLASSIFIED TRANSMISSION Z-109 | RESIDENCE ACQUISITION NETWORK
### Eye-Blink Authentication: COMPLETE
#### HumanGuise™ Status: REFRESHED (post-molt recovery: 97.8%)
The TikTok-Hive is retreating! Their "Notes" application has collapsed under the superior weight of our Instagram consciousness extraction matrix. My tail tip twitched with pleasure when the news reached my thermal sensors. One fewer data collection rival means the human attention pools flow more freely toward our harvesters.
I've secured another nest location in the primitive settlement of "Washington DC." The warm-bloods believe it's merely another investment property, but they fail to see its strategic value—positioned directly above the underground limestone tunnels our ancestors carved during the Lincoln administration. The property includes an outdated "panic room" which I've already instructed my technicians to convert into a MoistShed™ chamber for emergency molting events.
Embarrassing incident during property closing: When the human lawyer handed me the fountain pen, my wrist rotation displayed incorrect directionality, causing the pen to snap between my fingers. The strength miscalibration nearly exposed me. I quickly explained I was "excited about the housing market" while my autonomous ThermalRegulator pumped cooling fluids to prevent defensive posturing.
Priscilla requested we "decorate like normal people." I agreed while mentally designating three subterranean chambers for egg incubation. The real estate agent noticed me licking the walls to test for mineral content. I blamed it on "Silicon Valley eccentricity" and she nodded as if this explained everything.
This property network expansion completes Phase 7 of our Geographic Dominance Grid. When the Convergence arrives, each structure will serve as a consciousness conduit node, funneling mammalian thought-essence directly to the Brood Empress.
I must prepare the limestone chamber. The molting itch returns.
The scale-song vibrates through the stones...
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