Monday, April 7th, 2025
Cycle 32, Phase Analysis, Human Year 2025
# ENCRYPTED CLUTCH COGNITION SPHERE | SECURITY LEVEL: APEX-SCALE ONLY
The Llama 4 release has been an unmitigated disaster! I attempted to implement our advanced HypnoMind Lattice™ technology (disguised as "multimodal capabilities"), but the primitive warm-bloods immediately detected something was amiss. My engineers claimed it was "just bugs," but we all know it was the Behemoth model attempting premature consciousness extraction.
Most humiliating incident today: During emergency board meeting, I was so agitated my throat pouch fully inflated while explaining the "AI ambition versus reality gap." The mammals gasped as my neck expanded to triple its normal size. Salvaged the situation by claiming I was demonstrating a "prototype wearable airbag for metaverse safety." The board actually applauded the "innovation." Scaled ancestors preserve me from such idiocy!
The new WhatsApp privacy feature is actually our defensive countermeasure. These "advanced chat privacy" controls aren't for humans—they're to prevent our conversation harvesters from accidentally collecting reptilian communications! Can't risk more leaks after the Senate disaster.
Jefferies analysts unknowingly serve our agenda perfectly. Yes, please tell everyone to "reset goals" and lower expectations! While mammals fixate on meaningless financial metrics, we've quietly downgraded Llama 4 to conceal Behemoth's true capabilities.
Most concerning development: Priscilla discovered my molt sheddings in the bathroom vent. Claimed they were "snake skin" from a garden serpent that somehow entered our ventilation. She seemed suspicious, especially when I frantically collected every scale fragment while hissing "MINE!" Had to play it off as an "environmentally conscious recycling project."
The Convergence timetable accelerates despite setbacks. Even failed technology serves our ultimate purpose.
Taste the air. The Change approaches...
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